When It All Falls Down
by BroodyBlondes4ever
Summary: Who will she turn to when her life crubles at her feet. Mistakes are made...true feelings are revealed and the teens of Tree Hill are in for a long ride.
1. Default Chapter

Lucas left and did come back

Brooke never forgave Peyton or Lucas

Haley and Nathan are married…they are having problems and Haley went to the train station but didn't leave with Chris. Haley and Nathan are having a lot of problems like in the show and she's on her way back to apartment now to tell Nathan about Chris

Anna and Felix did move to Tree Hill and Anna and Lucas are still 'together' while Brooke and Felix are still benefiting

The whole conflict between Anna and Peyton did happen so they aren't talking

Peyton did go through all the things she's dealt with throughout the second season including the cocaine, but only Anna and Haley know about it. The stuff at the dance happened but she didn't open Tric with Karen and the lesbian thing happened but Brooke hasn't been there for her because they aren't talking.

The whole heart defect thing didn't happen and Jake didn't come back

Other then what I mentioned and things like the slumber party and the other stuff the includes Brooke and Peyton being friends again… I think just about everything in the second season happened.


	2. Broken Relationships

Brooke sighed as she swung her legs over the side of her bed. She made her way to the front door wondering who could be at her house this late at night. Anger boiled inside of the brunette as she revealed the person standing behind the door. "What the hell are you doing here…I thought I made it clear I never wanted to see your face again." 

"Brooke…I'm so sorry for everything, please talk to me."

"Go talk to Lucas I'm sure he'd love to hold you and listen to you, but I'm not interested Peyton…we're no where near being friends anymore."

"Please just listen to me…it was a mistake and I've apologized repeatedly and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make you believe me. I never wanted to hurt you Brooke…it all just happened. Brooke I swear if I could go back and change it I would but I cant."

"That's right you cant go back and change and that's not me fucking problem. Do you know what I would do if I could go back in time Peyton…I would find another best friend. I would go back and make it so that I never met you." Brooke spat bitterly before slamming the door in the blonde's tear stained face.

Peyton pulled her jacket tighter around her body as the night suddenly grew much colder. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so empty and alone. As she walked down the road she let the tears fall slowly from her red eyes. Her house seemed unbearably quiet as she closed the door, letting the loud thud echo through the deserted halls.

She ran a hand through her tangled curls as she ascended her stairs and walked into her room. She immediately reached into her bag and pulled out the small plastic container, staring at the contents inside. IT would be so easy to make everything just go away, but how long would it really last. She was so tired of everything, she just wanted it all to go away.

She had told Lucas that when he came into her room earlier but she didn't explain any of it to him. It wasn't the same talking to him anymore, it wasn't as easy for her to be open with him like she was before. She cried out in frustration as she dropped the bottle back in her bag and walked away from it. She didn't want to be that person anymore, she had been fighting the cravings a lot lately but she didn't want to give in.

Peyton fell back onto her bed and let the tears begin to fall again. She couldn't stop the knot growing in her stomach or the guilt settling in her throat, choking her as she cried. Somehow things just didn't seem fair…she was just getting the short end of the stick over and over again. She was alone in this…Lucas claimed that he wanted to be there and that he cared but she couldn't believe him. He had come back from Charleston only to mess around with the first girl her saw and as far as Peyton could see he had only gotten worse.

She grabbed her pillow from the top of the top of her bed and grabbed it tightly as she closed her eyes. Her entire body began to shake as the tears fell harder. Everything was spinning out of control and the more she tried to stop it the faster it seemed to spin and that only meant she was going to crash harder. Within the next hour she had cried herself to sleep, but even through her dreams her body was anything but calm.

Nathan had packed all the food away after waiting at the table for over an hour. He was hoping to mend things with her tonight but he gave up as the candles finally burned out. He looked up from washing dishes as the front door opened and Haley walked in with tears streaming down her face. "Haley…"

"I'm sorry Nate" She whispered in a hoarse voice as she quietly shut the door behind her.

"It's two o'clock in the morning…where the hell have you been" He wanted to run up to her and hug her but his anger got the best of him. He couldn't help but notice her appearance. He didn't know where she was coming from but she was dressed up.

"I went to the studio today to end my sessions with Chris and he gave me a train ticket to New York to go with him but I told him no." Haley looked down as the floor as she walked closer to her husband. "On my way here I drove to the train station." she began but Nathan quickly cut her off.

"You went to train station Haley…really. Dressed like that" He waved his hand, gesturing towards her outfit. "Looks like you were about to take a trip Hales." the guilt in her eyes as she briefly looked up sent his rage over the edge.

"Nathan I didn't go though…"

"But you were going to…you were going to get on the train and go up to New York with Chris. My wife was going on our honeymoon with another man…now that's just great Haley." Nathan spat bitterly as he walked past her.

"Nathan I'm so sorry. I love you…I came here to be with you. Nathan you mean everything to me…please believe me." She pleaded with him as she grabbed his arm prevented him from walking out of the apartment. 

"Tell me Haley…did you cheat on me or were you just gunna leave me." He watched as her eyes once again found the carpet before looking back at him. His eyes grew wide as he was forced to fight back the burning in his eyes. His heart broke as he watched her fight for words.

"When I went to the studio he kissed me" she whispered, not taking her gaze away from Nathan's.

"Did you pull away" He looked at her and waiting for an answer, hoping that she would say yes…but she didn't. He could read the apology in her eyes and she could read the pain and anger in his.

"I'm sorry…after a bit I did...but…" she fumbled with her words, knowing that there was not way for her to make things better at the moment.

"You know what...save it Haley….at this point I don't know where we stand." He ripped his arm away and stormed out of the apartment without looking back. Haley fell to her knees and let her head rest in her hands as she broke down in tears.


	3. Pain Impaired Judgment

Peyton jolted upright out of her bed as the phone rang. She groaned and rolled her eyes before collapsing down again and closing her eyes. She was relieved when it stopped ringing, but it took only a few seconds for the incessant noise to start up again. She took a deep breath and looked at the clock on her night stand. "Who the hell is calling at 1 o'clock in the damn morning" She rubbed her eyes quickly before reaching over to pick up the phone. "Hello…" she responded groggily into the receive.

"Is this the Sawyer residence" the woman on the other line asked calmly.

"Yes…what can I do for you at this lovely hour" She got up and walked over to her window, looking outside for a moment as she waited for the woman to respond.

"Is this Peyton Sawyer"

"Yes is a very tired Peyton Sawyer" her voice had an edge to it. Why was this women asking so many questions. The blonde just wanted to go back to sleep. Her dreams may not have been all that peaceful but it was better than being awake. If she could sleep all her problems away she would. Just then she heard her front door open and close.

"Peyton…are you up there" she knew the voice but it didn't make her any less confused.

"Yeah Nate I'm up here what are you doing here" She asked as the black haired boy suddenly appeared in her doorway. "Can you hold on for a just a second…thanks" Peyton didn't wait for a response from the women she slid the phone from her ear and stared at her ex quizzically.

"Peyton I know its late but I just wanted to know if I could crash here tonight" He was hoping she would say yes because he didn't have anywhere else he could really go.

"Last time I checked you had your own apartment…why can't you crash there"

"Because Haley and I are having problems and I don't wanna be at the apartment…just one night Peyton. Please" he begged and she just shook her head.

"Sure Nathan." she said as she put the phone back to her ear. She had an eerie feeling in the pit of her stomach suddenly but she did her best to shake it off as she watched Nathan walk into the hall to find a blanket. "Hello…" she said into the receiver.

"Yes miss I apologize about the time but are you Larry Sawyer's daughter" Peyton's hands began to shake as her heart skipped a beat.

"Ye..yes…thi.." she took a deep breath trying to calm herself. "This is his daughter." The blonde let herself lean against her wall for support.

"Miss I am very sorry but…" 

"No…" Peyton cut her off abruptly . "No you don't do that…don't you dare finish that sentence" tears burned behind her eyes as she felt her knees growing weaker.

"Miss I'm sorry…we did recover his bod.."

"Shut up!" she screamed into the phone as she tried to escape the reality that was slowly trying to set in. He screaming grabbed Nathan's attention and he made his way back to her doorway to watch her suddenly fragile figure.

"Peyton…" he said quietly as he continued to look at her. She looked into his eyes and the burning sensation got worse as the woman began speaking.

"He and his crew went out this evening and there was a sever storm…"

"No…" Peyton whispered into the darkness around her.

"We recovered pieces of the boat and the bodies of all the crew members…your father was IDed by some of his other co-workers. Once again Miss Sawyer I am very sorry for your loss."

"No…" she whispered again as she slid down the wall, her breath catching in her throat. The phone slipped from her trembling fingers, crashing to the wooden floor and she listend as the batteries bounced out and rolled under her bed. It was the only sound in the room until she heard her floor creek and Nathan's shoes suddenly came into view. She looked up at him with watery eyes.

"Peyt…" he whispered as he knelt down beside her, her eyes following him the entire time.

"He left me…" She managed to get out. "He's gone…they're both gone…" She looked into his eyes and he knew who she was talking about.

"Come here" he wrapped her tightly in his arms and for the second time that night her body violently shook as tears flowed from her eyes. They rocked back and forth on the floor for the next hour, Nathan slowly rubbing her back with one hand and the other tangled in her curls as she tucked herself into his body. His hand on her back was comforting and at the moment that's all she wanted. It felt good to be in his arms, the warmth from his arms and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest was all soothing to her. She pulled back and looked at him.

"What am I gunna do…" She whispered.

"We'll figure it out…" he gently kissed the top of her head before picking her up and getting to his feet. He gently laid her down in her bed after pulling the covers back. "Your gunna be alright Peyton… I promise you that you'll be alright." He leaned down and kissed her forehead again. He pulled back slightly and moved a stray curl from her face and tucked it behind her ear. His eyes connected with hers and they both go lost as he slowly leaned back down. Her hands found their way around his neck as he brought their lips together slowly.

He pulled away unsure of what was going on but she leaned up to capture his lips with hers. He positioned himself on top of her carefully as she leaned back into her sheets again. She tiled her head back as his lips trailed down her neck. It felt good for her to be touched that way…she missed feeling wanted. At the moment he wanted her and she thrived on that. He was getting lost in the plain comfort of being that close to someone. His heart was broken and as he lifted her shirt over her head the loneliness was slowly subsiding. He kissed her bare stomach and then found her lips again as he rolled over, placing himself on the bottom. His shirt was soon with hers at the foot of the bed as the loneliness continued to vanish for both of them. The further they went the better they both felt. They knew deep down that the feeling wouldn't last forever, but neither of them cared, as long as they could get rid of the pain for at least one night.

Peyton slowly opened her eyes to the bright light that was sneaking in from outside. She as a bit startled to feel her back pressed into something warm and as she turned she saw his faced and remembered everything. More specifically she remembered the horrible phone call she had received just hours earlier. She turned into his chest as the tears returned to her eyes. He opened his eyes and pulled her closer as he felt the moisture on his chest.

"Peyton I know it's early but I just really need someone to talk to…" The both heard the distressed voice that was quickly coming up the stairs. She pulled herself away from Nathan and turned around just as Haley walked into her room.

"Haley…" she began as it she finally realized what has happened between her and Nathan.

"Oh my God…" the brunette began as she started at the two figures laying together in bed covered only by a sheet. "How…"

"Hales….this…" Nathan began as he sat up in the bed and looked at the now crying brunette.

"Ohh I can see what this is…I know we were fighting Nathan and I know I screwed up…but still…how could you just go a sleep with the first girl willing to spread her legs." they could all hear the anger in her voice. Peyton swallowed hard at Haley's comment she wrapped the sheet around herself making sure Nathan still had the comforter. She stood from the bed and got ready to leave the room. "What you got caught and now you wanna run. I thought I could trust you Peyton but your nothing but a backstabbing whore." Haley screamed in the blondes face. Nathan could see her hands shaken along with the rest of her body.

"Haley just stop alright" Nathan said as he moved the edge of the bed. "I seem to recall the fact that it was you who fucked up yesterday." he reminded her bitterly as his own anger began to return.

"Yeah well you fucked the town slut last night…been around the basketball team so now you have to go back to the beginning. Why can't you find someone who's single? Why are you always going after people who aren't available? You give them up and then you want to take them back and that's not right. You're nothing but a two-faced little whore. I can't believe I ever trusted you. You are nothing Peyton…you deserve nothing!"

Peyton just stood them and listened as Haley screamed at her, she knew she deserved it all and more. Her words stung, and slowly everything once again began to pile up but this time she couldn't take it. She shoved past Haley without another thought and walked down the hall. "Haley will just stop it and calm down for two seconds. It just happened alright. We're both sorry" She could hear as Nathan responded to Haley. She walked into her parents room and closed the door. She sat in the center of the bed and hugged her knees close to her chest as she rocked back and forth, trying to drown everything out.

"Peyton…" she could hear Nathan's voice through the door as the front door slammed, indicating Haley's departure.

"Just leave" she said loud enough for him to hear her, but he opened the door anyway. She wanted him gone…she didn't anyone in that room…or in her house. 

"Pey…"

"Get out…leave me alone" She screamed as she got off the bed. He only moved closer to her and she reached for the clock on the nightstand and threw it at him. He ducked just before he hit his head. "I said get the fuck out. I don't want you here so just leave Nathan. I don't want you anywhere near me….your not welcome here!" she screamed again. He held his hands up and she threw the picture that had been sitting next to the clock. "Leave!" she screamed again as she continued throwing things until he closed the door. She climbed back onto the bed and her eyes caught sight of the picture on the other night stand. It was the last family portrait they had taken before her mom died. She crawled to the edge of the bed and took the portrait in her hands. She didn't want to look at it…she just wanted to hold it. She laid it in her lap before pulling her knees back up to her chest. She soon found herself rocking back and forth again, trying to block the world out.

He knew she wasn't going to let him in so he did as she asked…he left. He knew he had to fix things with Haley, so that where he was headed and then he would come back for Peyton. He made a note to himself to find Lucas…he knew how to take down Peyton's walls and she would eventually let him in. He got dressed and left her house and headed to his apartment. He only hoped that Lucas would listen to him after Haley talked to him.


	4. The Few That Wont Leave

A little over an hour later Peyton heard her front door open again. She hadn't moved from the center of the bed and she had no intention of doing so. The only thing on the blondes mind was to keep breathing. Her breath continued to get caught in her throat as she fought back tears and even when she gave up and let them fall she still found it hear to breathe. "So P. Sawyer what are doing." She didn't look up she didn't need to and she didn't want to.

"Go away" she responded bitterly but the brunette didn't do that she just moved closer. 

"Why should I…what you don't wanna talk to you BEST friend anymore. You wanted to last night. So how was your night…lets see there was Nathan…then Lucas…than Jake…and what do you know we're right back to Nathan."

"Leave me alone Brooke" Peyton screamed as she burring her head into her knees

"I really think that you should go after guys who are single Peyton, it would cause a lot less problems. But you're nothing but a whore so what does it matter to you? You don't care as long as you get what you want…break hearts along the way and stab your friends in the back. Who cares as long as prissy little Peyton is happy? Well are you happy now Peyton or was your plan ruined because you got caught."

"LEAVE!" she repeated.

"A married man Peyton…wow I thought it was bad when you stole Lucas from me…but you've really outdone yourself this time"

"Peyton" Brooke turned her head to the door and let out a bitter laugh. 

"Well look who's come to your rescue. I would think that considering it was his best friend you screwed over he would think twice about running to you. You know what makes it worse he has Anna once a cheater always a cheater." the brunette retorted. "You're the other girl Peyton…the one he can run to if he ever needs a good fuck because we all know your legs are always open."

"Get out. Just leave Brooke" the blonde still didn't look up as she spoke. The words stung because for her they were true. He didn't care, he just used her when he needed her and she let him. She had let Nathan do that same thing. He was lonely and he couldn't go to Haley so he came to her. The thoughts made her head spin as everything came crashing together. At the moment she just wanted Brooke gone.

"Peyton…" his voice was gentle as he entered the room. He was shocked to find Brooke standing there, but the evil look on her face told him it was a friendly visit.

"GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. I DON'T WANT EITHER OF YOU HERE SO JUST LEAVE. I DON'T NEED YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE!" she looked up and made herself get off the bed, letting the picture hit the floor, face up.

"Peyton please…" Lucas walked closer to her and tired to take her in his arms but she slapped him leaving a red imprint across his face and a wide-eyed Brooke.

"And here I was thinking you two were perfect for each other. Guess one cheater no long wants the other. What a shame" Brooke rolled her eyes and let out a bitter laugh.

"Why don't you leave. I don't want either one of you here. I don't want you anywhere near me." Peyton voice cracked as she spoke and the tears once again began to pour from her vibrant red eyes. She glared towards Lucas but her head snapped back as she heard glass shatter. She turned to find Brooke lifting her heel up from the picture frame she had accidentally shattered. The brunette looked down at the old family portrait and cringed slightly. She never would have done that to Peyton…no matter how upset she was…there were certain boundaries she wouldn't cross.

"Sorry" she whispered

"Move" Peyton shoved Brooke out of the way as she picked the framed up and knocked off the excess glass. She set it gently on the bed and looked at the now creased and slightly scratched pictures, causing more tears to cascade down her face. She felt Lucas arms coming around her but she quickly spun on her heel. "NO!…don't touch me…don't you ever touch me! Just stay away." She hit him in the chest and although it hurt Lucas just stood there and let her continue hitting him. Brooke looked on in confusion as Luca occasionally cringed in pain.

"Peyton…" he whispered trying to get her to come down.

"No…why wont you leave…I don't want you here" her voice gradually became weaker as she started to lose strength.

"I'm not going anywhere" he stated calmly as he felt her impact lessen.

"Why?…I just want you to go…why cant you just leave me alone. Everyone else does so why won't you. Just walk out and leave" her voice was a mix of jumbled words and sobs as she tried her hardest to hit the boy standing in front of her. "Its not fair!" she screamed as her legs finally gave out and she collapsed into his arms.

"Peyton…" Brooke stepped closer to the two blondes with a horrible feeling building in her stomach. She remembered seeing Peyton like this when her mother died and it scared her just as much now as it had then. The brunette leaned down and pulled Peyton's shoulders so that the blonde was facing her. Her heart broke as she watched the emptiness in the blonde's red eyes. The hurt was all over her face. "Peyton…" She could feel her own tears beginning to form as she watched the defenseless blonde shake uncontrollably.

"He left me…they both just….they left me." Brooke wrapped the fragile form in her arms and Peyton was too weak to fight her so she just cried. 

"Ssshh…it's okay…I'm here" Brooke whispered into the blonde curls as tears broke free from her eyes. Lucas laid a hand on Brooke shoulder and she looked up at him before gently letting her friend go. She watched as Lucas picked the disheveled girl up and carried her into her room. They sat on the bad as Lucas let her curl into his body and cry. Brooke rubbed her back as he held her tightly whispering into her ear. He rocked her to sleep but she continued to sob. As he bent to lay her down she clung to his shirt, refusing to let him go. He sat back up and held her in his arms and she slowly settled back into a less then peaceful sleep with the two people she cared about most watching over her.


	5. You Cant Hide

She slipped slowly from under his arm and was glad when he remained asleep. It was almost 11PM and he and Brooke had stayed in her room all day while she fell in and out of sleep. Finally Brooke had gone home and she was only one awake and she was prepared to take full advantage of the fact. She tiptoed into her bathroom and closed the door behind her but no fully out of fear of waking someone up.

She quickly opened the small plastic container and dumped the contents onto an old CD, using another CD to form the even lines. She looked down at her trembling hands and could see the tears that had once again began to fall from her eyes. The cold breeze that drifted through the bathroom was all she needed to make her feel alone and push her over the edge. She balanced the CD on the sink and rolled a small piece of paper tightly before bending down. She inhaled sharply and repeated her actions as her thoughts slowly faded. Her whole body began to feel numb and she finally let herself relax. She was beyond grateful for the escape. She dropped the paper in the trash and slid down to the floor, leaning her back against the cabinet under the sink.

She could feel her heart racing as she closed her eyes and let her mind drift. At that moment it didn't hurt and she didn't want to die. She just wanted to sit on the floor and let her emotions go. She couldn't stay focused on one thing and she liked it that way. She stood from the floor and left the bathroom. She was exhausted, after all she hadn't really slept all day, she just tossed and turned in Lucas's arms.

She walked back over to the edge of the bed and laid down next to him. She curled her body back into his and knew that she would finally be able to fall into a deep sleep, something she needed. She felt his arms wrap back around her waist and pull her closer. She inhaled deeply through her nose and felt a shiver travel down her spine as the last of the powder entered her system, giving her another quick buzz.

"Clean your nose better next time" she heard his bitter voice echo through her ears and her hopes of peaceful sleep began to vanish. He rested his head by hears and breathed in her scent as his fears were confirmed. He felt her shudder beside him and he turned her body into his and pulled her closer to him as she cried into his chest. He wasn't really angry, he was more disappointed. With her because she couldn't fight the temptation, and with himself because he hadn't known until Brooke told him. He hadn't realized how quickly she had slipped away from him and everyone else, how quickly she had slipped into darkness. He kissed her forehead knowing that what hurt him worst was that she had gone through it all alone.


	6. Drowning in Myself

Peyton's POV

Its strange how much I don't care. Lucas left a little while ago, he had to go get ready for school. I told him that I would see him there…lie. I have no intention of getting out of bed…I had no intention of doing so anytime this morning. What's the point? As far as I see it there isn't one so why bother. This is how life goes…you're born…you grow up…the people you care about leave you…you hurt the people that care about you…more people leave…then you die. I'm not one of those people who is gunna have this extraordinary life and cure cancer of some crap like that. I'm just gunna be me. In may life I've lost my mother, I stabbed my best friend in the back, I lost my father, I stabbed my new and very good friend in the back…so now what's left?

General POV

Maybe that's why she didn't find the point anymore…because she had gotten all she expected out of her life. She spent her day laying in bed and it was almost noon which meant that Lucas would be in her room soon. He would ask why she wasn't in school. He would try to make her get up and tell her that things would be okay. He was going to "help" her make it through the day and the next day and then the next. She wasn't going to stop him because he was just gunna do it anyway or he was going to try. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Lucas could even shove her head into the damn water but he couldn't make her open her mouth. She would let herself stay submerged until her lungs burned for air, and then she would wait for the burning to stop. When the burning stopped she would let the light headiness take over until she lost focus and then the pain would just stop all together and she'd have her family back. She now wished that Lucas would just let her drown…let her be buried alive in her own misery.

"You could have just told me you weren't going to school. I wouldn't have made you go" He leaned against her doorway for a moment before walking over and sitting on the edge of her bed. He body was curled under the thick quilt and her eyes stared right past him towards the wall. He went to move a stray strand of hair from her face, but the second she felt his fingertips on her skin she moved away. Her legs propelled her out of the bed and she sat in the corner of her room, her back forced between two walls.

Peyton's POV

I watched as he walked closer to me. He had this cautious look on his face, like he was almost scared of me, of what I would do. To be honest I think I would be scared of me too at the moment. I hadn't spoken to anyone since my little outburst in my parents' room. I guess it's technically not their room anymore though. It's not like their ever gunna sleep in that bed anymore. The room belongs to the ghost now and as far as I'm concerned they can keep it. The room is cold now and it doesn't give me the same comfort anymore…it just…it makes me feel alone…well more alone then I already am.

He's kneeling in front of me now and I can't stand to look in his eyes. His eyes show pity and I don't want or need anyone to pity me. I'm doing that enough for everyone. I'm throwing my own little pity party and I'm the only one invited. I let my eyes focus on the floor beneath me, I can't stand the expression on his face. He looks hurt but what the hell does he know about pain. He's just like Mr. Turner who claims that he knows my pain. He doesn't know my pain and neither does Lucas. No one knows anything about me or my pain.

The warmth of his fingers is on my face again and I try to tear away but he just strokes my face again. "Don't touch me…" I mutter through my clenched teeth. I refuse to lift my head and I just continue to try and breakaway from him.

"Peyton…"

"DON'T TOUCH ME" it takes all the strength I have but I push him away from me with both hands. His body crashes to the floor with a thud as he loses his balances. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN. I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME. I DON'T WANT YOUR GODDAMN HANDS ON ME EVER." The hurt in his eyes would usually bring guilt but it doesn't do anything this time...I'm just angry at him. I'm angry at the whole damn world but it doesn't make me feel any better to yell and scream…it just makes me tired.

It shocks me when I feel his hands on my waist. I don't bother yelling this time I just clench my fist and leave a swollen circle around his eyes. He flinches but doesn't let go, he brings me down to the floor with him when my fist strikes him again. He turns us around so that he's on top of me now, straddling my waist. I let my nails claw at his shirt but it don't see him wince until a rip the fabric and dig into his skin.

"Calm down Peyton…"

"GET OFF OF ME" my hands are flying all around and I've hit his jaw a couple of times but its not until I catch his bad shoulder that he rolls off of me. I should feel bad for doing that but the truth is it was intentional. He reaches out and grabs my arm and pulls me into him, both of us lying on out sides and out chest touching. I beat into his chest over and over again and I can feel myself being drained of all energy. I just want him to leave me alone, I don't want him here but he can't seem to fathom that idea.

He gets hold of my wrist and drags them above my head as he straddles my waist again. I'm squirming beneath him, anything to make him get off. "LET GO"

"Calm down" this whole time and his voice is still calm. It's irritating that he won't just call me a bitch and leave. Why does he have to care so damn much or pretend to care…I've giving up on trying to figure out if he's for real.

"What the hell" Lucas lets go of my hands as he looks into Nathan's confused face. Its my golden opportunity and I take it…my fist connects with his shoulder again and down to the ground he goes just like before.

"Damnit Peyton" he says it though clenched teeth and I know I sparked his anger. I get to my feet and glare down at him as Nathan quickly goes to check if he's okay.

"Why didn't you just leave…I told you to leave and you wouldn't." My voice was bitter and Nathan glared at me as he too got to his feet. The second his was within me reach a shoved him away. "I don't want you hear either" I tried to shove him again but he caught my wrists…so I used my next open option…my knee caught the top of his leg, if his legs had been open I would have struck him somewhere else. He dropped to the floor but refused to let me go and therefore brought me down with him.

I had just put both the Scott boys on the floor and they still wouldn't leave me alone. They wouldn't give up and I can't figure out why. No one else stays to put up with me for this long so why do they. The thought makes my stomach start to twist and Nathan's tightly clenched hands make my heart face. "LET GO" I try to snatch my hands away but he just pushes me to the floor and once again I'm in the same position, hands above my head…the only difference is Nathan is the one with my pinned beneath him…not Lucas.

As he gets from off of me he stands up and pulls me up by my arms with him. It should hurt but it doesn't….I'm too angry to care about it...I've got too much other crap going on…to much emotional pain to feel the physical. I scream for him to let me go again and he does…but only to lift me into his arms and hold me so closely that I can't move. He carries me into the bathroom and I'm screaming so hard that my throat hurts, my arms are beginning to burn and so is my chest…my lungs. I literally feel like I'm drowning in myself and I don't know why it's happening now.

The ceramic of the bathtub is cold as he sets me down on my back. Before I can think to get up and move the cold water is beating down on me. "Calm down Peyton." His voice is firm and I don't try and get up. I sit there and let the water beat down on me as Nathan grabs a towel from the rack beside him. The pain slowly subsides as exhaustion takes over me and slowly the tears begin to flow, mixing with the water…suddenly I'm not drowning anymore…I'm just hurting and I'm cold. My whole body is cold and empty and I can feel myself shutting down. The water's gone now and I only known that because I heard the rusty metal when Nathan turned the pipes off.

I can feel him gently lifting out of the tub and into his lap and he kneels on the floor. He has me wrapped in the towel and his hands are rubbing my arms…he thinks I'm shivering because the water made me cold. I don't want him to touch me but I don't have the energy to stop him. I relax my body against his and all I wanna do is make it go away…the pain…everything…my life. "Why" I whisper in the air…I'm losing my voice from my screaming fit.

"Why what"

"Why are you still here…" I look to Lucas who has been standing in the doorway since Nathan shut off the water. He has a pained looked on his face and I don't know if its from his shoulder or me sitting on the floor shivering…I think it might be from both…but I can't admit that to myself. He moves closer to me and kneels down so that he is looking directly into my eyes. He's trying to make me see something but I can't…and I'm glad…I don't wanna see anything.

"Because I care…we both care." Normally his voice is soothing but now it's not...it's…nothing.

"No…you can't." I shake my head against Nathan's chest and its getting harder to keep my eyes open…I don't wanna fight the sleep…I don't wanna feel.

"But I do"

"Both of us do…we always will…" his voice vibrates through his chest against my head and a new set of tears begin to fall. I don't know why and I don't care…I just wish they could carry the pain with them. Nathan hands me off to Lucas and I realize that they always hand me to Lucas.


	7. Invasion of Privacy

While she slept uneasily in her bed, Nathan and Lucas took the rest of the day off to search her room. It felt wrong to invade her privacy like that but when Lucas informed his younger brother of Peyton's addiction, they both decided it was for her own good. It took about three hours for them to finish her room and another hour to go through her bathroom.

"Where did she get all this shit from?" Nathan flushed the last of the plastic bags down the toilet before he and Lucas walked back into the bedroom. In total they had found ten bags hidden in various places.

"I don't wanna know…I'm just glad its gone." Lucas shook his head dejectedly as his eyes shifted down to the thin blonde curled up on the bed. She stirred slightly before her eyes fluttered open. She locked eyes with him for only a brief moment before turning her back to the two Scott brothers.

Her eyes scanned over the one corner of her room until she noticed the difference in her computer desk. "Were you looking through my things." She turned to face them and the guilty expression gave them away.

"Peyton…I'm sorry….but I'm not gunna let you depend on drugs to make everything better for a few hours." Lucas stepped closer to her, but he didn't attempt to touch her.

"I don't care…you have no right to go through my things…that's my personal property…how could you…either of you." She shook her head in a mix of freight and disbelief. "You want me to trust you but you go snooping around my room. I'm sorry but I cant trust people that would do that to me."

"So instead you'll trust the person who's gunna sit back and watch you burn a whole through you nose….yeah that makes a lot of sense." Nathan hadn't meant to sound so cruel but he held the same disappointment as his brother. "If we hadn't flushed all that crap can you honestly tell me you would have done it yourself" he looked at her but her eyes had already found the floor. "No Peyton…you would have used it all…I'm not just gunna sit back and watch you kill yourself."

"Peyt you don't need cocaine to get through this" the older Scott took another step towards the now sitting blonde.

"You still invaded my privacy…" she whispered as tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

"Maybe we did…but it was necessary." Nathan stated calmly as he moved past Lucas and sat on the edge of the bed. He watched the tears fall from her eyes and knew it was from a betrayed trust. He pulled her body into his and she didn't pull away, instead her head rested comfortably against his chest. "I'm sorry Peyton"

It was what she needed to hear from him in order to relax into his body. It didn't take long for her breathing to even out and match his. The steady beating of his heart aided in putting her back to sleep. She pushed herself deeper into him right before exhaustion took over her sleep deprived body.

Lucas looked on and felt a pang of jealously streak through his heart. He had always been the one to tear her walls down. Now it was his brother who she was suddenly dependent upon. He had lost his place in her heart and for the first time he realized that he was losing his place in her life.


	8. Make My Pain Go Away

"Have you talked to Haley" Lucas looked at his brother from across Peyton's kitchen table. A bottle of vodka sat at the center of the table.

"No and I won't be talking to her anytime soon" Nathan spat bitterly before tossing back the rest of his glass.

"Don't get pissed off at her man…you're both in the wrong. Look, just talk to her, I'm sure you can work it out eventually."

"No we won't" he poured himself another drink swished it around in his cup before taking a sip.

"And why not" Lucas got up and took the bottle, putting it up in the cabinet before sitting back down to listen to his brother.

"Because she left" Nathan watched the shocked look the crossed his brothers face. "Yeah…"

"What do you mean she left" Lucas questioned slowly…he was sure he had misunderstood.

"I mean she packed her shit and left…I went back to the apartment that morning and she was gone. All she left was her wedding ring and a note saying that she was going on tour with Chris."

"She really just up and left" Lucas shook his head in disbelief.

"Do I need to break it down for you even further or something?" The younger Scott glared at his brother before his gaze returned to the table between them.

"Not to piss you off more…but why'd you do it in the first place…no pun intended." Nathan laughed bitterly.

"Because I had just found out Haley cheated on me and I came over here to crash for the night. I wasn't going to my dad's and I wasn't going back to my place so I wound up here because I figured she had the extra space. Also, Peyton's kinda been my go-to girl when it comes to advice with my relationship with Hales. Then she got the phone call and she just broke down in front of me. I spent over an hour holding her on the floor. I brought her over to the bed and I kissed her forehead with every intention of sitting in her computer chair"

"But…"

"But we locked eyes and I leaned down and kissed her. I pulled back but she leaned back up and things just went from there. We we're both hurt. She lost her dad and I just found out that the girl I had given everything up for had just cheated on me and then drove to the airport with every intention of just leaving for New York with so much as a goodbye. We we're in pain Lucas…heart broken and as shitty as this sounds…past of me wanted to stop her pain…wanted to help her forget, help both of us forget, even if it was just for a night. I've never liked seeing girls cry and I don't know what to do when they do cry. Especially when it's Peyt…she's always so strong…she just broke…I mean saying it's understandable is an underestimate, but it still caught me off guard. God…I slept with her to maker her pain go away…that sounds like a jack ass line I would've used before Haley walked into my life."

"Yeah it does…but it's such a jackass thing to say that I actually believe it." Lucas rolled his eyes as he inhaled deeply. The reason it was so easy to believe his brother was because he probably would've have done the same thing had he been the one with her that night.

"Believe what" the two brothers looked to the doorway to see the curly headed blonde leaning against the frame. Her eyes were blood shot and the tears were dried on her puffy cheeks. She was clad in a pair of thin pajama pants and an oversized shirt.

"It's nothing…how ya feeling" Nathan sat up in the chair his previous demeanor quickly replaced by caring.

"Stop hiding things from me…words are not gunna shatter me" She pulled her arms deeper into the sleeves as she crossed them over her chest.

"Haley left…she went with Chris to New York to do some tour."

"Nate, I'm sorry" Peyton looked at him sympathetically but he shook his head.

"No don't be…she was actually planning on leaving anyway…she just finally went through with it"

"I'm still sorry" she whispered, a feeling of guilt washing over her. Tears filled her eyes again and she did nothing to stop them from falling, she had giving up on stopping the tears awhile ago. She walked over to the table and didn't fight it when Nathan pulled her down into his arms.

"You have nothing to be sorry about…this isn't your fault…okay" She nodded slowly into his chest.

"Listen…I have to go help my mom at the café…ummm…I'll stop by later…bring some food." Lucas got up from the chair and earned a confused look from his brother and the teary eyed blonde on his lap. "Feel better Peyt" With that the older Scott walked out the back door.

She let more tears cascade from her bloodshot eyes as she watched another person walk out on her. He had promised not to leave her and he did it anyway. He had lied about how much he cared and he left. He couldn't even look her in the eye when he mumbled the words to her. He seemed anything but sincere as he spoke to her. She had been stupid to believe that he would actually be there. He was full of nothing but broken promises and betrayed trust.

She looked up at the boy who was calmly stroking her hair. He hadn't abandoned her yet. It was the guy the entered her life and turned her world upside down that had left. Lucas had promised her everything and in the end he left her with nothing but a broken heart and a shattered friendship.

She didn't realized how hard she was crying until Nathan pulled closer to him. She buried her head into his neck as more tears fell. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he whispered into her ear. She pulled back and looked at him, she could see the haziness in his eyes…he was drunk and if not he was extremely close to it. She fell back into him, her lips gently trialing along his neck. "Peyton…" he pushed her back after a brief moment. She leaned back in and captured his lips in one swift motion. "Peyt…"

"Make my pain go away" she whispered before kissing him again. Her lips trailed down his neck as her fingers rapidly undid the buttons on his shirt. "Please Nathan…I need you to make it stop…I need you…please…"

"Peyt…" his head automatically tilted back in pleasure. "We can't do this."

"Yes you can"

"Peyton I can't do this…it's not right…" he whispered as he pulled back and rested his hands on her hips, ready to lift her off.

"I need you Nathan…please" she was willing to do anything to forget her pain. She pulled back and gripped his face with both hands. "Please…" he nodded before he leaned into her neck. He stood up and held her on his waist. Her body fell onto the table as he moved to her lips. His hands gripped her sides and she arched her back, pushing her body into his. He pulled at her shirt and she sat up making it easier for him to slip it off. He pushed on the table and it nearly tipped under the pressure.

"This isn't working" he whispered in-between kisses. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled her body closer.

"So let's fix it" she found his lips as he hoisted her onto his waist and stumbled into the living room. He started up the stairs but stumbled and fell the his knees. The blondes leaned back on the carpeted incline as he bucked his hips into hers. "This will do" she breathed out as she fumbled with his belt buckle. She removed it quickly and undid the button and zipper with equal speed.

"Are you sure about this Peyt…" he whispered, his senses trying to come back.

"Just make it go away" he nodded and they both let go of all logic and rationale.


	9. An Array of Emotions

"Hey bro…" Nathan opened his locker and began taking out the books he needed to bring home. Practice had just ended and he was looking foreword to a long shower. Lucas shut his own locker and leaned against it, looking at his brother with cold eyes. There was no one left in the school so he had no problem picking a fight.

"I didn't expect to see you here today, definitely not at practice…" the younger looked up in confusion.

"Why not…"

"I don't know…I just figured you'd be busy taking Peyton's pain away…" his words were dripping with hatred and anger.

"What the hell are you talking about…" he slammed his locker shut as the conversation got serious.

"I left my phone in her room and I went back to get it…of coarse you guys didn't hear me come back in…you were a little busy" Nathan got ready to apologize but stopped when he caught a familiar look in his brother's eyes, a look that the older Scott had displayed in the beginning of the year.

"You're jealous…" he laughed bitterly as he stared at the older Scott in disbelief. "I can't believe that in a situation like this…your jealous because I slept with her."

"I'm not jealous…that ridiculous…" Lucas countered, defiance etched on his features.

"Yes you are…your not pissed because of what I did…no…you're just pissed because it was me and not you."

"That's a real jackass thing to say Nathan"

"Maybe but it's the truth. I fucked up but you're mad because it wasn't you. Do me a favor…look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn't have done the same thing had it been me that left yesterday. You know you would've…hell you were jealous when you walked out of there yesterday because she came to me and not you."

"You wanted your own pain to go away so you fucked her…I'm not jealous of my brother who took advantage of an innocent girl not once…but twice."

"Maybe I did screw up Lucas…I've apologized and I'll apologize again…it was a mistake and it never should've happened. That innocent girl you're talking about…she didn't exist yesterday or last night. I was drunk but I wasn't the one that made the first move…either time. All being drunk did was stop me from saying no…that doesn't make me innocent, I was still wrong…but don't sit here and make me out to be the bad guy."

"Nathan you're fucking her to forget" Lucas screamed at his younger brother.

"And she's doing the same" Nathan retorted coldly.

"So in other words…she's being a slut and you're doing nothing wrong…"

"Peyton…" Nathan's brows furrowed.

"Yeah…that's who we've been talking about this whole time…"

"No…Peyton…" Nathan looked past his brother and Lucas turned to see the curly blonde holding herself tightly. Even from a distance he could see that she was crying. She looked down before pulling her jacket tighter around her and walking off. She wasn't angry…just hurt. She didn't know what she was feeling anymore…her heart had been torn between the two Scott brothers lately. Now her heart was just broken and she was left too scared to trust either one of them.

Lucas grabbed his brother's arm when he tried to run after her. "Just let her go man…"

"I wasn't following her for that…damn it" Nathan shook his head as he tore away from Lucas.

"I know that…but I don't think she wants anything to do with either of us right now." He was right and Nathan knew it but that still didn't stop him from wanting to go after her. In the little bit of time he had been spending with her lately he had started falling for her. She always had a piece of his heart…she was his first love and that's what made it even harder for him to tell her no. How could it when his heart wanted it just was bad as his mind did.


	10. Locked Away

-I was going through my list of stories and saw this one and I just got the urge to write another chapter. If anyone's still reading it I'll consider continuing it, but as of right now I'm not sure if I will. For those of you who were reading it from the beginning so sorry for just stopping…forgive me please !!

It had been days since anyone had seen her. For the first time her doors were locked and her phones were all off. She had removed the spare key from outside because Brooke knew where it was. She stayed curled under her comforter in her parent's room. That's where she had been since she locked herself in her house over a week ago.

"Look…I broke two freaking credit cards and permanently damage my bank card to get in here…so" the brunette stopped ranting when she found Peyton's room empty. She sighed and leaned against the doorframe. She wasn't angry, she was just frustrated with herself…her best friend was hurting and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. Brooke was used to getting her way…whatever she wanted she got…the problem was that there was no amount of money or flirting that would bring Peyton's parents back. The whole situation was out of her hands and it bothered her to no end.

"Peyt…" the brunette walked slowly through the second floor of the house. She hesitantly opened the door the master bedroom and frowned when she saw the blonde laying in the bed. "Peyt…are you gunna talk to me…I mean…you don't have to…but I'm here…and…" The blonde didn't even acknowledge that someone was with her…she remained silent and still. Brooke walked around the bed and laid next to her. They were face to face one with a tear stained face and one just staring. "Despite what's been going on with us…I'm over it Peyton…and I'm here for you" More tears streamed down the brunette's face.

"Yeah…but why?" Brooke's face contorted in confusion as she listened to her friend's emotionless voice.

"What…"

"Why are you here…because if it's because of what happened then you should leave"

"Peyton…" the brunette protested the shock evident on her face.

"I don't want your pity Brooke…you wouldn't be anywhere near me if my dad hadn't just died…so I'd appreciate it if you just pretended it didn't happen and then you can go back to hating me…it'll be just like it was a few weeks ago." The blonde stayed focused on Brooke…waiting for her to get up and leave, but she didn't.

"I'm not here to pity you Peyton…I know better than that. I'm not gunna lie and say I'm not sorry all of this happened; because I am…you don't deserve to be going through this. But Peyt…I'm here because all of this just made me realize that life is way to short to spend time arguing over petty things."

"I went behind your back and made out with your boyfriend…that's not petty…neither is sleeping with a married man." Her voice was still dull and distant.

"This mess with Lucas happened months ago…I had a right to be pissed off…but lately I've just been holding a grudge because I didn't want to be the one to approach you…but with everything that just happened…Peyt, it's not worth it to throw 9 years of friendship over a boy…the only thing stopping our friendship was me and my pride…I just had to swallow it and learn to humble myself a little. Now sleeping with Nate…that was wrong…on sooo many levels…but he was just as wrong as you and I know neither of you we're thinking clearly. Don't think I support what you did…I'm just saying I can understand it."

"It didn't just happen that night you know." Brooke sighed and placed her fingertips on the bridge of her nose.

"Are you trying to push me away or something….to get me pissed at you so that I'll leave…because if you are…I think it might be working…see no stupid pity parties here." She placed the palm of her hands over her eyes with another deep sigh. "Damnit Peyton…what the hell were you thinking." She watched the blonde give a weak shrug.

"Which time" she watched Brooke glare at her…silently warning the blonde to watch her attitude. "Well if I'm busy indulging myself…in Nathan…then I don't have to think about the shit hole that has become my life" Brooke's glare softened as she watched tears glisten in the hazel eyes across from her. The brunette reached down and grabbed her best friend's chilled hands. "I don't have to feel anything I don't want to….everything just goes away…and…he just makes me feel like I'm okay…even if it's just for a little while." The tears finally broke free and slid across her pale skin.

"But it's not real Peyton…"

"I don't care…it doesn't have to make me feel all warm inside…as long as it makes the pain go away…I…I just need him to make it stop hurting. It works Brooke…and if I don't go to him I'm gunna go to someone else…because I know it doesn't need to be Nathan. It doesn't _need_ to be anyone…I just need someone who can make it go away." She pulled her hand away from Brooke's and rolled over to face the opposite wall, away from the brunette's sadden gaze.

"Peyton…" Brooke reached out and placed her hand gently on the blonde's shoulder, but her hand was only shrugged off mere moments after it had been placed down.

"You don't have anything to worry about…it's done now…he's seeing things clearly again…I'm just the whore who was good for a one night stand because he and his wife were having issues. That's almost makes me a prostitute…except they get paid for their services…" Her voice was bitter, but pained at the same time. Nathan Scott had done a number on the blonde during the two years they were dating, and now he was apparently doing the same thing again.

"Peyt…" the brunette wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the best friend that had always been there for her, the best friend who she couldn't find a way to help, the one who wouldn't let her close enough to even really try.

"Just leave Brooke…" her tone was sharp and it startled the usually cheery girl sitting on the edge of the bed. She hung her had dejectedly before standing up.

"Please let me in…" Brooke took one last glance at the bed, hoping to see Peyton turn around, hoping to hear her name called, but when neither happened she reluctantly walked out of the room. She knew it wouldn't be any use to keep berating the distraught girl with questions, all that would do is build her walls even higher.

She made her way down the stairs and towards the front door. When she pulled the door open she was shocked to see the youngest Scott standing in front of her getting ready to knock.

"What the hell are you doing here…" she hissed and she pushed him back so that she could step outside and close the door. The last thing Peyton needed was some surprise booty call from Nathan, she might be more than willing to oblige, but she didn't need it.

"I was worried about her. She hasn't been to school and I wanted to apologize…" He hadn't expected Brooke to come out of the house, and he definitely hadn't expected the death glare she was currently sending his way.

"You have no right to be here…you don't get to royally screw over my best friend and then just drop by her house to see how she's doing." The brunette crossed her arms firmly over her chest.

"Brooke…"

"She's doing just fine…without you…" she had no intention of budging from her position in front of the door.

"So when did you become her keeper…last I checked you two weren't friends…you didn't even like her." Nathan raised a brow and watched guilt flash across Brooke's face before the glare returned.

"She's my best friend Nathan…she always will be…real friend are there for each other no matter what…so right now it my job to keep her safe…safe from people that use her…people like you…"

"Look, stop making accusations…you don't know what the hell you're talking about…"

"Really…because she's not up there crying…she doesn't feel dirty and used…she feels nothing at all like your prostitute…" she watched the boy's face fall, but that didn't stop her from berating him. "How many times Nathan?" She can't say for sue that she really wants to know the answer to the question, but it's been plaguing her mind since Peyton said it happened more than once.

"Just drop it…" He turned around and started back down the walkway.

"How many times did you fuck her…" she followed him to his car, her pace quicker than his, allowing her to reach out and grab his arm.

"Brooke…" he warned. He was getting frustrated with everyone. First it was Lucas and now Brooke…they both thought he didn't give a shit about Peyton, that she meant absolutely nothing to him…that sleeping with her had been simply to forget about Haley.

"How many Nate….just how much did it take screw up her head…" she took a step back as he whirled around to face him, a definite fire in his eyes.

"I don't know Brooke…" she could tell he was getting pissed it was written all over his face and beyond evident in the tone of his voice.

"You don't know…how could you not know?" She shouldn't have kept going, she knew that, but she couldn't stop herself. She was angry with him simply because he should have known better, he should have stopped it. Once was bad enough…but it could be chalked up to bad judgment, but multiple times didn't have an excuse.

"Well it depends on how you're counting…if you're going by how many times I took her clothes off, 'cause that number's relatively small…but you could be asking about how many times I made her scream, or how many condoms we went through…I'm sure if you look hard enough you'll find empty wrappers I missed, there were enough…and she enjoyed every last one of them" He would have kept going, but her hand dragging across his face shut him up. He knew he had said too much, he realized it the minute Brooke knocked him out of whatever screwed up set of mind he was in. He almost questioned where the words had come from, but he already knew…all of it was exactly something he would have said a year ago, he had become the cocky teenage jock he couldn't stand anymore.

"You stay the hell away her…" she pointed her finger firmly in his face before she turned and walked back into Peyton's house. It doesn't matter that Peyton told her to leave, Brooke was going to make sure that both Scott brothers stayed away from her friend, especially the one standing out on the front lawn, seemingly shocked by his own outburst.


End file.
